What To Do When Life Doesn't Look Like You Thought It Would

I know I am not alone in the feeling that this is NOT the life that I had dreamed of. Like most girls I had dreamed of a beautiful wedding and cute little house that I could call my own. A handsome prince who looks like James Marsden wouldn't hurt either. =) I wanted to be a mother of at least 2 children and have a job that made me want to get up in the morning. In my fantasy I also kept my slender figure and was one of those "graceful agers". The ones where grey hair was so distinguished and lovely and the wrinkles were few. Ahhh, I can just close my eyes and see my life the way I had dreamed it when I was younger. Unfortunately, when I open my eyes this is not what I see. My reality is far from the dreams of a young girl. I find myself divorced for over 4 yrs. with no children. I have a job that calls when they need me and have not been successful at finding much more employment. My palace is an apartment and let me just say, the ever increasing grey hairs are not all that attractive. Sometimes I just lose it and yell, "God, do You see me??!!" (of course, I do this in private so no one commits me). So, once again I ask, what does one do when life doesn't look like you thought?

I believe that I have the answer and it has taken me more than 6 months to realize it! It seems so simple and much smarter people than I have been doing it for a long time. I need to keep dreaming, and dreaming BIG! Killing your dreams is killing your hope for something different. I do not think we can survive long without hope. I also have figured out that it's all in our perspective. For example, I may not have children of my own yet, but my sisters have both just had 2 beautiful little girls. One of them is my godchild and the other has my name as her middle name. I cannot wait to buy them too many dresses and twirl with them and take them to Disney World and watch their faces light up when they see the all the wonder! Most importantly I hope to be an influence in their lives to know Jesus Christ. The One who created wonder and twirling and giggling and hope. And as for a job I love.... I now have the time and life experience to decide what I WANT to do! How freakin' awesome is that! I can decide to do something that makes my heart come alive and make a difference in the world. For now I may have to do some jobs I do not love, but I have a light at the end of the tunnel. AND one of the coolest things has been the opportunity to live with my BF Tiffany. I know that both of us would not have chosen for our marriages to fail, but in that we have gotten to be roommates! We get to laugh and cry as we watch Extreme Makeover Home Edition and talk about our dreams. It has been so amazing to have someone actually get me and understand exactly where I'm at. What a great gift that could not have happened if I were in control!

So you see, I would venture to say that most of us have a life that didn't look like we thought it would. The secret is that God knows what we need and He has plans for us that are much much bigger than we could have ever dreamed up. Our plans are so small compared to His and sometimes He has to shatter our dreams to make room for bigger ones. Please know that I do not feel this way all the time. I have my moments where I need to grieve and cry and hit something or talk out my disappointment for hours at a time. And I am only 31 and not quite ready to let my grey hair win. =) I just want my life to be an encouragement to others and I want God to guide my steps. How do you see your life? Could you change your perspective to see the beauty that is right in front of you?

Here's to dreaming BIG dreams!